[WB-Discuss] Weapons

[Nicole Deaner]

I had to forward this, I laughed out loud!

the aftermath of the Ashcroft regime...


At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual
later discovered to be a public school teacher was
arrested trying to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a
slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney general John
Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the
notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by
the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They
desire average solutions by means and extremes, and
sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute
value. They use secret code names like "x"and "y"
and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have
determined they belong to a common denominator of
the axis of medieval with coordinates in every
country.

"As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say,
there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft
continued.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush
said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons
of math instruction, He would have given us more
fingers and toes.

"I am gratified that our government has given us a
sine that it is intent on protracting us from these
math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with
calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to
inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the
President said, adding: "Under the circumferences,
we must differentiate their root, make our point,
and draw the line."

President Bush warned, "These weapons of math
instruction have the potential to decimal everything
in their math on a scalene never before seen unless
we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to
factor-in random facts of vertex."

Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader
would say, read my ellipse. There is one principle
he is uncertainty of: "Though they continue to
multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse
tightens around their necks."
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